she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Send help, water and tortillas.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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