I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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