You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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