Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
