I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
