someone threw a dead crab at me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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