I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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