i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
