Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
