i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
