You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
