I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
