just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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