my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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