I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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