I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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