this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
