I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
