This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The air was thick with penises
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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