i don't like sucking hair
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
