May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
