apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Man, jail baloney is awful.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
