I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
