if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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