He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
