I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
