So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
