Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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