I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
