dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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