can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
