He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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