walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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