I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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