Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
