I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
