grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
