She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
