All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
