remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
