Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
