if you like me you must not know who I am
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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