my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
