I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
