I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
