I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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