And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
