those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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