Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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