my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
