She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
did i just pee glitter
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
